I'm in the garden with a cup of tea.  I have a new book and its gripping my attention except when I pull myself away to gaze at the flowers.  I'm enjoying the sun which is warm, not hot.  I'm feeling the breeze gently ruffling my hair.

 

Mentally.

 

Physically I'm in my office and I am wondering how many bulldozers will it take to clear all the calculations sheets and result tables off my desk as I curse profusely.

 

Now, I'm mentally taking a hammer to my monitor and satisfying mental sparks are flying.  Ahhh, that's better, now what page was I on...

I have added another title to my list of things that I am, "Bike Rider".  I am not a Cyclist, I leave that to the people who actually know what they are doing, and I'm not a Commuter with a milk crate attached with bunjees at my rear.  I am a Bike Rider.  I have an old school helmet that would probably become dust if I actually fell on it, 10 year old gym shorts held together in the back with a safety pin and a bike chain that had enough goop on it to feed the entire Goopian People of Goopdom who ues goop as their main diet staple (about an ounce or so).  But bad style (or BAD style) and maintenance problems aside I did ride 80 km this weekend in order to visit Friend.  I took it easy unlike a cyclist, but not easy enough to make me a commuter.  I enjoyed the view, had many water breaks while getting plenty of mild heart rate increasing fun.  Friend must have been entirely bored, being of the cyclist persuasion, but he has the patience of a tolerant rock.  I like bike riding, getting from one place to another in a leisurely-exercise-type way.  Its better for the environment, is a good way to pass the afternoon and totally justifies the ice cream bars and dill pickle chips!

This morning I was walking down Mt-Royal Ave on my way to school, thinking my think-y thoughts when I noticed something amiss.  The lines from the crosswalk became distorted, they stretched past the road and onto the side walk.  In the middle this of street paint warping there stood a door-way like passage framed in reflected light.  It looked as someone had cut it out of the air and the road paint was reordering itself to move into it and form an inviting walkway. 

 

After having read my umpteenth sci-fi novel and not forgetting the lessons of C.S. Lewis I thought the only think-y thought possible, "Here lies a doorway to another dimension!  Let me bravely pass through it in search of adventure and alternate realities.  Hey maybe I will get some kick ass mutant powers!"  I contemplated the infinate possiblities, none of which was the possiblity that this was just Mt-Royale's new artist exhibiting his ubran creation, and passed through this inter-dimensional portal (IDP amoung those in the know).  Once through it the world was so familiar yet so new.  I strained my eyes looking for the small changes but remarkable changes.  Lost in wonder I wandered out into the road almost getting hit by a car, now there is an interdimensional change I'm not ready for.  I waited for the signal, half expecting the feudal ninja lords who rule the city to come out and take me to their leader, crossed the road wondering when I will sprout my wings and fly, and just as I thought I saw a cat speaking to its human slave I passed through the Return IDP located on the otherside of the crosswalk. 

 

So I sit here, being regular non-flying me, doing my regular thesis work its no wonder I took my tiny break from this particutlar universe today.  I know, time for a reality check.  I'm not giving up my IDP daydream so here is one for you.  To the artist who set up the interactive sidewalk binoculars pesdestrains can turn view different parts of the street's artwork; if you think they will be used for any higer purpose than trying to peek into residential dwellings in hopes of finding a naked hot chick, you've got another think coming.  Now that's reality!

I have not been posting lately because I want to become more positive and I feel ranting into cyber space is not the way to accomplish this.  I'm waiting to post something about how I feel wonderful or came across something so unbelievable/hilarious/crazy I need to share it.  But as I sit here 13:10 on a beautiful Sunday its just not coming to me.  So I'll wait.  Maybe I will shoot for a "why its cool to be a ninja" post later in the week because as we all know it's way cool to be a ninja!

I'm back at work.  Procrastinating again.  Well, not really, I came in early and am exhausted from my weekend trip and am taking the time for a tea hoping it will feed some life into me.  Friday I went home and spent the weekend with my family.  After some hustling and bustling to figure out a schedule we all had a great time.  I went to dinner with Mum, Dad and Friend on Friday night and on Saturday I went with Mum and a relative to Woofstock.  (No typo there)  And I learned something, being the crazy cat lady with 18 cats is one thing; being the crazy dog lady with 12 chihuahuas is a whole other level.  Watching these women performing mouth to mouth on one of these twelve tackily dressed pups on stage for a prize is something I would like to have unburned from the inside of my skull. 

Saturday night was filled with drinking (possibly to help with the images encounted earlier in the day) and plenty of tomfoolery.  Who knew quiet, tea drinking me would be front and center, rocking out to the brother's friends garage band, Lost Subject.  Here is the the feel good story of the weekend.  The brains behind the band is a kid I've know through my brother for many years and for the past few he didnt' have it so good.  He has been dealing with depression and bottled up angers that have worried his family immensly, most of which comes out in his music.  (Get ready for the feel good cause up to now it's been so uppity.)  Turns out his family are his biggest musical supporters, his brother is the drummer and his folks are amazing.  I mean the stuff must scare them stiff but they support these kids to the end.  They got two buses together to bring thier friends to the concert, printed T-shirts and made CDs to promote.  Not only that, but on the bus this kid's Dad gets up and says, "I've got a Lost Subject prize pack for the person who can answer this trivia."  I was touched that, after dealing with what must have been such scary family problems, next to me rocking out just as hard was this kids parents.  Angry music, but lots of love.

Sunday I was on a meet and greet marathon.  Meeting so many people my head would have spun if not for the fact that all of them were so nice.  Sunday night I was in bed happily dreaming about a great trip back.  Good company makes for good driving.  But now its Monday morning, my tea is done and I should get to it!

Let me fly off the handle for a couple of minutes here.  It's either I explode my anger onto cyber space or I take a high powered rifle up the bell tower.

 

I HATE MY SIMULATOR!  To complete my thesis I need to plug numbers into a very expensive piece of software that is supposed to politely and quietly return numbers to me that would mimic the behavior in a reactor.  Very novel idea, it saves me from calculating everything by hand or writing my own code; things many more smrt than I cannot do.  In essence, I need the damn thing.  The trouble is the DamnThing knows it and is toying with me.  After all of Friday spent cursing the "cannont find XML.zip" error.  (What the hell is an XML.zip anyways!)  I spent this morning trying to get the thing to boot up.  My solution to the problem (also the solution to XML.zip errors), uninstall and reinstall the whole DamnThing.  HA!

 

The easy solution would be check the manual Christa, go to technical support Christa.  Yeah well the manual was written by a bunch of monkeys that like to type "Refer to the online support" every couple of lines or so and the online support is, get this, an online forum/chat room with other disgruntled users.  Double HA!

 

End rant... start chemkin... "XML.zip file missing".. climbing the stairs to the bell tower... see you on the new at 6.

???

 

Thesis is going well.  I have a game plan to get to the finish line.  Personal life, friends and otherwise, going even better.  Better than I ever could have dreamed in some cases.  So in the midst of all this happiness, what do I do?  I brood. 

 

*Smack hand to forehead*

 

True, my life is coming to a crossroad once again with the prospect of leaving school forever and I think I might be having thesis separation anxiety.  Eep.  Add to that the fact I've made some really big decisions, for which I don't spend a single second thinking that they were wrong, but all the same they probably had a bigger affect on me that I realized.  My life has taken a hairpin turn that still hasn't cleared the bend.  And although I love the direction its going, you've got to give me a minute to readjust which normally comes in the form of the feeling that I'm too stupid, needy or selfish to repay the universe all its good karma. 

 

I'll get over it by tomorrow.